The Amazing Uniqueness of People: Why No One Introvert, Extrovert, or Ambivert is the Same

It seems to me that many people have a general understanding of introversion and extroversion and thus have some sense of whether they fall toward one end of the spectrum or the other. There are lots of people that do strongly lean one way or another, but it is also clear that most people fall in the middle of the spectrum, and have both introverted and extroverted tendencies and needs. These folks are the Ambiverts. Regardless of where one falls along this Introvert/Ambivert/Extrovert continuum, there is much variation in the degree, range, and scope of traits among those at any point along the spectrum. What this means is that those that might be identified as “Introverts” DO NOT share the same feelings, experiences, and needs as many of their fellow Introverts. So as a pretty strongly introverted person, I am not experiencing life exactly like other fellow introverts. We are unique beings, and wholesale generalizations should not be made. The same is true for Extroverts. And this is likely much more so for those midland Ambiverts.

Those with similar degrees of Introversion/Extroversion share only the degree of trait manifestation, but not necessarily the same traits. And there are many traits that people evidence that suggest on what side of the spectrum they fall, but any one trait does not necessarily determine the certainty of having that type nor the degree of that personality trait. It is the number of traits that determines your place on the spectrum and the degree of introversion/ambiversion/extroversion.

The traits are like an a la carte menu, and your place on the spectrum is determined by a genetic roll of the dice that ultimately defined for us this important aspect our personalities. There was, and is no choice involved. I’m sure that although nature (our genes) writes our code, nurture (our experiences and expectations) does edit that code a bit.

Below are lists that I curated from various sources (e.g., lists, charts, and info-graphics) across the internet purporting to differentiate Intro and Extroverts. Given the reality that I scanned many lists, that most lists had five to ten items, and that many lists were slightly different in content, my lists are longer than most.  The sources I used to generate my lists were not generally put together by Personality Psychologists, but they do reflect a general consensus of traits that are common for those on the corresponding end of the personality type.  Many items were listed repeatedly or at least seen on many lists. A few were items only listed once or twice. It’s not clear to me which traits have been rigorously vetted – so do not assume that these lists are exhaustive or scientifically validated.

This is not a test

I am not specifically attempting to provide an instrument to help you determine where you fall on the Spectrum. But going through the lists and checking and counting items from each list (that you can relate to about yourself (the majority of the time)) will help you determine where you fall. If you find that you have many more items from one list or the other then you may indeed be inclined toward that personality type. If you have a roughly equal count of traits from both lists then you may be an Ambivert. If the vast majority of your traits are on one list, then you have strong inclinations toward that personality type. If you have many traits from both lists, but still have a modestly strong leaning toward one side, then you may be either an Extrovert leaning Ambivert or Introvert leaning Ambivert (depending on which list you have more items in common with).

The prevailing narrative that introverts are less socially skilled or capable is inaccurate and dismisses their many strengths. Introverts can be excellent leaders, deep thinkers, and social beings in the right settings. Their talents, though different from extroverts, often complement the more outward-focused traits of extroversion. Viewed through the lens of cultural norms and individual strengths, introverts possess “superpowers” that uniquely contribute to the social fabric, workplaces, and communities. So, the next time you meet an introvert, remember that their quiet demeanor may conceal a world of deep thoughts, keen insights, and powerful leadership potential.¹

Traits of Introverts

• Energy Gain/Loss
  • is likely to gain energy from quiet solitude and/or quiet time with close people or their “person” 
  • may NEED time alone to recharge and reflect
  • may be exhausted by large non-intimate social gatherings
  • may enjoy socialization but find it tiring or exhausting
  • tends to be sensitive to and exhausted by high stimulation environments
• Social Preferences
  • may prefer solitude or time alone with their “person”
  • tends to value close one-on-one relationships over having a large social network
  • may be happy with having just a few close friends
  • may dislike small-talk
  • may be quiet in large groups and fearful of humiliation
  • may find it difficult to join in ongoing conversations
  • may avoid being the center of attention
  • may be inclined to avoid interacting with strangers or even loose acquaintances
  • may dread large non-intimate social gatherings
  • may really enjoy reading and spend much time doing so
  • may not like talking on the telephone
  • may prefer working in quiet independent environments
  • may work best alone or one-on-one
  • may be uncomfortable with and avoid conflict
• Response to Stimulation
  • may prefer quiet environments with low levels of stimulation
• How Others See Them – Observable Traits
  
  • may be considered a “home-body”
  • may be considered quiet, reserved, thoughtful, introspective, and/or contemplative
  • may be considered aloof or shy
  • may be considered as observant and adept at “reading the room”
  • may be considered an excellent listener
  • may have a quieter and slower rate of speech, and even sound hesitant in responses to questions or requests for opinions
  • may be inclined to evidence intellectual humility and acknowledge the complexity of situations
  • may be considered intense or more serious
  • may be considered less flexible, needing to have plans for social engagement
• Private Internal Cognitive Processes
  • may feel better and more capable of sharing information in writing rather than through conversation
  • is likely to think before speaking and acting
  • may need time to think on things before responding
  • may be more inclined to hold in emotional responses and harbor difficult feelings
  • may struggle with coming up with witty responses on the spot
  • words spoken tend to be genuine
  • may be inclined to learn by observing others

People with high extroversion tend to relate well to others, and are often well-liked in their teams and offices. They form quick and easy friendships, and their outgoing nature leads to effective group-work.²

…research has found that extroverts tend to experience positive emotions more frequently than introverts, which helps lessen stress, encourage achievement, and increase feelings of satisfaction.³

Traits of Extroverts

• Energy Gain/Loss
  • tends to NEED energetic social interactions to charge their batteries
  • may have a tendency to gain energy from being around other people
  • tends to need stimulating environments to charge their batteries
• Social Preferences
  • may prefer going out or entertaining groups of people as opposed to staying home
  • may prefer having a busy or packed social calendar
  • may have large social networks and multiple fluid relationships
  • tends to love being in large groups
  • may tend to thrive in team-oriented and open work settings
  • may love chatting or engaging in small talk
• Response to Stimulation
  
  • may seek highly stimulating environments
• How Others See Them – Observable Traits
  • may be considered outgoing, gregarious, and highly social
  • may be inclined to strike up a conversation with a stranger
  • may have the “gift of gab”
  • may enjoy being the center of attention
  • can be seen as outgoing and enthusiastic
  • may be considered highly energetic and active
  • may be considered easy going
  • may make friends easily
  • may be considered assertive
  • may have a tendency to think out loud
  • may be considered more of a talker than a listener
  • may be considered a quick thinker and be proficient at coming up with witty responses on the spot
  • may be inclined to talk extensively about a topic regardless of whether or not they have any true knowledge on the subject
  • may speak more quickly, rapidly, and assertively
  • may be outspoken in large groups and comfortable with risk taking
  • may be proficient at dealing with conflict and less inclined to shy away from it
  • may be less likely to evidence intellectual humility
  • may be considered impulsive and/or easily distracted
  • may be more open to changes in plans
• Private Internal Cognitive Processes
  • may find it easier to talk about an issue rather than than taking time to think about it
  • may be inclined toward making quick decisions
  • may have a tendency to speak without thinking
  • may value real life experiences over intellectual pursuits (e.g., thinking or reading about something)

I am hoping to help make it clear that many if not all Introverts and Extroverts will identify with some traits from the “other” list. It should be evident that no one Introvert is the same as any other Introvert – and likewise, that the same is true for Extroverts. Ambiverts will likely – in roughly equal proportions – identify with traits from both lists and as a result the amount of variation among them is even more vast. People are complicated and unique beings that often defy dichotomous categorization.

Another thing that I am also attempting to do here is help you understand the traits and inclinations of others that may fall on the other end of the spectrum. It is important to note that one side is not better than the other; although, there is an Extrovert Bias in the United States that places great social value on the Extrovert Personality. By this I mean that there is a greater preference in schools and the workplace for team work, group projects, and gregarious people over independent workers and the quiet, intellectual, and reflective types. There are strengths in those at both end of the spectrum. I ask that you not refer to Introverts as anti-social or use any derogatory language to define someone that may be introverted. The same is true regarding Extroverts: although they already have a leg up in our culture, it is not necessarily helpful to label them as loud, or shallow, or insensitive. We all have value and as I explored in my previous post, we absolutely need to gather a better understanding of each other. I hope these lists help you in this way.

Keep in mind that this Intro/Extroverted personality trait is just one of a complicated array of factors that make up your personality and it alone does not define you.

If you want to take a “test” to get a number that tells you more specifically where you fall on the continuum, try one or both of the following questionnaires. The second, from Psychology Today, seems a bit more nuanced and you may find it easier to choose your responses over the True/False response options in Susan Cain’s Quiet Quiz.

1. The Quiet Quiz by Susan Cain
2. Introversion/Extroversion Test by Psychology Today

 

References:

1. Rebekka Grun von Jolk Ph.D., (2024).  Introverts Are Not What You Think: Introversion differs across cultures and hides unexpected superpowers. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/maximizing-relationships-and-happiness-in-life/202409/introverts-are-not-what-you-think-1